How To Raise Your Self-Esteem

Have you wondered how to be a better you. Have you wondered about what self-esteem is and how to get more of it? Do you think your self-esteem is low? Do you know how to tell? Do you know what to do about it?

Self-esteem answers the question, “How do I feel about who I am?” We learn self-esteem in our family of origin; we do not inherit it.

Global self-esteem (about “who we are”) is normally constant. Situational self-esteem (about what we do) fluctuates, depending on circumstances, roles, and events. Situational self-esteem can be high at one moment (e.g., at work) and low the next (e.g., at home).

Low self-esteem is a negative evaluation of oneself. This type of evaluation usually occurs when some circumstance we encounter in our life touches on our sensitivities. We personalize the incident and experience physical, emotional, and cognitive arousal. This is so alarming and confusing that we respond by acting in a self-defeating or self-destructive manner. When that happens, our actions tend to be automatic and impulse-driven; we feel upset or emotionally blocked; our thinking narrows; our self-care deteriorates; we lose our sense of self; we focus on being in control and become self-absorbed.

Global self-esteem is not set in stone. Raising it is possible, but not easy. Global self-esteem grows as we face our fears and learn from our experiences. Some of this work may require the aid of a psychotherapist. In the meantime, here is what you can do:

                “He who knows others is learned;
                 He who knows himself is wise.”
  • Get sober. Get help through 12-step groups to stop self-destructive behaviors. Addictions block learning and drag down our mood. Identify them and replace them with self-care.
  • Practice self-care. Make new lifestyle choices by joining self-help groups and practicing positive health care.
  • Identify triggers to low self-esteem. We personalize stressful events (e.g., criticism) by inferring a negative meaning about ourselves. A self-defeating action often follows. Each event can, instead, be a chance to learn about ourselves, if we face our fear of doing so and the negative beliefs about ourselves that sustain the negative meanings.
  • Slow down personalizing. Target personalizing to slow impulsive responses. You can begin to interfere with these automatic overreactions by using relaxation and stress management techniques. These techniques are directed at self-soothing the arousal. This allows us to interrupt the otherwise inevitable automatic reaction and put into play a way to begin to face the unacknowledged fears at the root of low self-esteem.
  • Stop and take notice. Pay attention to the familiarity of the impulse. Our tendency is to overreact in the same way to the same incident. Awareness of the similarity can be the cue to slow our reactivity.
  • Acknowledge reaction. Verbalize, “Here I go again (describe action, feeling, thought) . . . ” Actively do something with the awareness rather than passively note it. The result is to slow the impulse and give ourselves a choice about how we want to respond.
  • Choose response. Hold self-defeating impulses. Act in a self-caring and effective way. By choosing to act in a more functional way, we take a step toward facing our fears.
  • Accept impulse. Be able to state the benefit (e.g., protection) of overreaction. We won’t be able to do this at first, but as we become more effective, we will begin to appreciate what our self-defeating impulse had been doing for us.
  • Develop skills. We can provide for our own safety, engender hope, tolerate confusion, and raise self-esteem by learning and using these essential life skills:
    • Experience feelings. “Feel” feelings in your body and identify your needs. When we do not respect our feelings, we are left to rely on what others want and believe.
    • Optional thinking. End either/or thinking. Think in “shades of gray” and learn to reframe meanings. By giving ourselves options, we open ourselves to new possibilities about how to think about our dilemmas.
    • Detachment. End all abuse; say “no” to misrepresentations and assumptions. By maintaining personal boundaries, we discourage abuse by others and assert our separateness.
    • Assertion. Voice what you see, feel, and want by making “I” statements. By expressing our thoughts, feelings, and desires in a direct and honest manner, we show that we are in charge of our lives.
    • Receptivity. End self-absorption; listen to others’ words and meanings to restate them. In this way, we act with awareness of our contribution to events as well as empathize with the needs of others.

Creating the Life You Want

The Large and Small of Goal Setting
How to be a better you: A client recently wrote to me, "It feels good to have little successes." I reflected on that, because a lot of times in personal growth we speak about thinking big. We speak about getting out of the box, and setting challenging goals that will move us out of our past conditioning to live a commitment driven life. And obviously, there's a place for that, I would not discount or discourage the quantum leap approach in goal setting. At the same time, there is a place in personal development and goal-setting for thinking small. Small, in the sense of breaking down our goals into manageable and practical steps. In this way we give ourselves an experience of success.

Small Successes Pave the Way for Greater Achievement
Let's say my goal is to get up at 4 am and do meditation every day. I may say "Yes! Every day, for the rest of my life, I am going to get up at 4 AM and do meditation!" Now let's say the reality is, it has been more than twenty-five years since I woke up before 8 AM. So perhaps I will wake up at 4 AM for a day, or even a week, but then due to past conditioning, I may miss a day. Missing one day can lead to missing two, and even a whole week. I may feel that I made a commitment to myself, and I didn't keep it, which can lead to a downward cycle of discouragement. However, what if I say, "I am going to get up at 6 AM at least two days per week for the next month to do my meditation." I may try to wake up early on the other days, but I am rock solid committed to these two days. At the end of the month, I can feel good about myself for having achieved my goal, and then I can build on that success to eventually achieve those greater, larger goals.

Clear Intention is the Key
We assert that, apart from any external goal-attainment strategies, to achieve a result, small or large, we must have clear intention. The power of intention will always actualize itself. "Clear" intention means consciously applying the power of intention. Living from clear intention, no material impediment can prevent this actualization. Therefore, even if our conditioning or other circumstances present apparent challenges, we can always prevail. With clear intention, we find a way to concretize the result. Implicit in the principle of clear intention is the idea that, "I might not know how it's going to happen, but I'm certain it's going to happen."
A client described how for years she had been trying to sell a piece of land. When she would get close to a sale, something invariably would come in to block it. This became a source of anxiety for her. Once she absorbed the principle of clear intention, and understood that this consciousness comes from the soul, she felt freed from her anxiousness. Almost immediately, her land sold.

How to be a better person

I believe the only way to truly know how to be a better person is to just let go of everything that caused problems or that hurt you in the past. How to be a better person? it happens when you accepted life the way it is and love yourself with all your heart. You the only one that can make yourself a better person, ask yourself how to be a better person, a better me?. People jump in relationships to be happy but that's not how it works. You must first be happy with yourself because if your not than your relationship will fall apart piece by piece. Stop searching for a better person as if it is something outside of you, you need to look for it within yourself. My life wasn't a walk in the park, so I asked myself over and over "How to be a better person". Let me give you some tips for that and the right diet that helped in a big way.

How to Be a Better You

1.) In order to be a better you, Don’t take so much notice of how you feel and whats going on behind your back all the time. Stop worrying about what people think of you in-order to know how to be a better person. Get over it, at the end of the day only your thoughts and god ones matter.

2.) Please let go of worrying so much. It often and will makes things worse 9 out of 10. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it will happen. When you’re mind trigger on the ball to notice the first sign of concern, you’ll surely find something to convince yourself it’s coming. Sad but true.

Ways to be a better you

I assume you’re not here cause you like my beautiful blue eyes (they’re brown, by the way), so my guess is that you want to improve your life, be more passionate, and ultimately, be a better you (and if not, why are you here?). That’s a very noble cause, especially since by improving yourself, you improve the world.
But where to look? Maybe you’ve been at it for years and came to a stall, not knowing what to do next, or maybe you just made the decision (congrats!), and don’t know where to start.
In both cases, it is time to get back to the beginnings.

Are you a good you?

I’m not asking whether you’re good or evil, but whether you make a good representation for who you really are.
If you’re a salesman for GM, and when nobody’s looking, all you want is drive a Toyota, you’re not being congruent with yourself.

Seven Ways to Improve Yourself

At this point there happens to be several approaches you actually could take to "improve yourself". In a case where you actually happen to be doing business regarding yourself, you will want to make sure you have confidence throughout yourself as well as fully understand the fact that you will certainly be successful no matter what on earth occurs.

Simply by the particular solution, I personally keep in mind what my brother used to always say..

"Imagine as well as have faith, what ever you request shall wind up being presented unto you"

In this article are generally a few points in which you will be able to carry out to assist you to improve yourself..