How to be a better you: It is a basic fact that you cannot spread yourself effectively around a lot of friends and family; research suggests that outside of our immediate family we have time for approximately an additional five close friends that we can give adequate time and attention to. Average statistics also points to you probably being an average of those five people, your job, income and lifestyle will probably sit in the middle of those people you surround yourself with. So with all of this in mind it doesn't take a genius to work out that if you upgrade the people around you then you will be upgrading your life too. It sounds simplistic and possibly a bit rude and cold but you are probably wasting your time and energy on at least one person that doesn't really deserve it so why not start with upgrading just that person?A lot of people argue with me on this but I have been proved right in my own life and with other people that have taken my advice time and time again. I am not suggesting that you ditch all your great friends and ruthlessly search for new and better ones. What I am saying is this: Write down on a piece of paper your five closest friends, it doesn't matter if the last one or two are not that close to you, just write them down in order with your closest friend at number one and your least favorite at number five. Now ask yourself which ones are REALLY friends to you, which ones are just taking your time, attention or money but rarely offer much in return? Which of them would you think could move away and they would not make the effort to come back and visit you? Which ones do you only tolerate and you don't really like that much anyway? Cross off the ones that fit any of these categories. How many are on your list now, two? So you should have at least two spaces on your close friends list to fill now?
Filling the gaps on your list can be the hardest bit but if you keep an open mind and follow these tips then you should have that list overflowing in no time:
- Make an effort to meet and talk to people you would not normally talk to; there's no point replacing your old friends with people the same as the old ones. Remember you are trying to upgrade not replace.
- Reconnect with old contacts that are doing well who you miss or often thought about getting in touch with again.
- Join clubs or social groups, make the time to do it properly. The masons, Rotary club, political groups or clubs are all good places to meet new people even if you don't agree with their politics. In most local areas there are young working peoples clubs, breakfast networking meetings, men's clubs, women's clubs and any number of different groups desperate for new members just do some searches on the internet or local press.
- Consider doing some volunteer work or doing some work for charity, this can be a great way of meeting new people.
It is important not to lose heart, stick at it and always remember you are upgrading not replacing. One last point I'd like to highlight is that nobody is expecting you to be friends with anyone you don't like, you will be surprised what great people there are out there that are more than willing to make new friends and give others a leg up life's ladder.
Matt Kinsella is the author of How To Be Lucky, a book about how Matt came from a teenage homeless hostel to become a successful entrepreneur and his guide to how others can do something similar. How To Be Lucky is not about chance or the kind of luck you need to win the lottery it's about making your own luck. The philosophies and techniques Matt discovered that helped him turn his life around changed his life so much he saw no reason why he could not document them along with his story and turn them into his book How To Be Lucky, to help people achieve great success from nothing in the same way he did.
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